In Part 1 of our Re-Defining Your Self Worth Series, we were faced with a decision.. Continue as a human doing or learn how to become a human being. Yet how do we do it? How do we stop the cyclical habit of doing? How do we learn to just be?
The idea itself seems to go against everything we have been told as children… ‘Strive, strive, strive some more! Never let up, go for the gold, have it all, be it all, then you can rest and be happy…’ And that, my friends, is called retirement.
So I did some reading on the subject, coupled with my own journey in this area, and compiled a few tips and strategies that may help you on your own path to Re-Defining Your Self Worth!
Shifting Your Perception: In the quiet of your mind.. Are you less than, greater than, or equal to your counterparts? The answer to this question can easily be found in your self-talk. What does your internal dialogue sound like? How do you speak to yourself? Is there a continual tear-down session waging war inside your mind? Or do you find yourself atop a pedestal looking down at those you perceive to be of lower companionship? Shift your perception! Remind yourself DAILY of your talents, value, equality with others, and celebrate the uniqueness of being you!
Taking Care of You: How often do you take care of others; making certain their needs are met? When was the last time your treated yourself gently, kindly, lovingly with compassion? When was the last time you nurtured yourself, as you would another? Self-care is extremely important yet so often overlooked! Why? The answer lies in how we live our lives. “Oh I’d love to do that, but I just don’t have time.. Maybe next week..” “Sounds nice, but honestly I just couldn’t get away, I have so much to do!” Or how about the slightly embittered “Must be nice!” Sound familiar? The truth is when our self worth is based on outside influences we may feel the need to downplay our own desires and needs so as not to appear selfish. Deprival isn’t always selfless, in fact in can be downright selfish. Martyrdom is best left to those better capable of handling it.
Value Yourself: How often do you over commit yourself? Value your time because it truly is a precious commodity! Feeling spread too thin and over-committed can leave you drained and confused with what really matters. How often do you let the needs of others dictate how you live your life? Value yourself by setting boundaries! By learning to trust yourself, you can begin to place emphasis on what will work for you and those around you, and in turn you will no longer be the last one on your list. By valuing ourselves we acknowledge that our needs are just as important as the needs of those we love and care for. And that means we learn to trust ourselves and honor our own innate need to be nurtured and cared for.
An Inside Job: We all want to feel a part of, accepted, respected. Yet approval seeking is highly detrimental to healthy self worth. In the same breath comes worth based on money and status. The trouble with basing our worthiness on outside sources is just that… They are outside of ourselves and at any given moment may be stripped away. The results can be devastating. Healthy self worth comes from an acceptance of ourselves, exactly as we are: quirks, talents, faults, the whole gamut. Our scales are balanced. We see ourselves as whole beings, regardless of what we have in terms of materialism, societal pressures, or who are friends are.
As with any new habit, give yourself time to adjust. Some moments may be easier than others. If you find yourself slipping into your old pattern of thinking and behaving, take a moment acknowledge how you’re feeling and why the slip felt necessary. Change is all about awareness, flexibility and the ability to ebb & flow along with the tides of life!